Bringing My Sexy Back
My journey to getting myself back and feeling like I have all the confidence in the world like I did before I was pregnant was a struggle for many reasons, my body changed so much after having my daughter and Postpartum depression. Also growing up society said that you can’t be "sexy" and a good mom. I have found that once you have a child it’s so easy to lose who you were and what your dreams were before you had kids, well because you are taught as young girls when you have children your children’s needs always come first and if you have the energy after being everything for everyone else then look at yourself.
As girls we are taught from a very young age that you are to aspire to marry, and to be a mom and moms can’t be "sexy". Why is that? Why is it not okay to not want to marry and to be with a man long term and not want to be married? What does that piece of paper really say… hey government tax me more? Just because he marries you doesn’t mean he loves you anymore, personally I think if you all stay together long term (until death do you part) it means more that means you both stayed because you wanted too, not because it was easier than getting a divorce. I have been married and it was a complete disaster from the moment it started to be completely honest I had no business getting married when I did, yes I was 29 but I had spent 2012-2016 in a horribly abusive relationship and when I got together with my daughters father it was because we had been friends for years and it felt safe. We were nowhere near compatible with one another. (But all this is a story for another day.)
Let’s get real about PPD (Postpartum depression), 10-20 percent of women suffer from PPD in some form. Personally for me it was horrible, I had never felt so lost and confused in my life. I had this beautiful baby girl that I loved more than life itself but I was feeling overwhelmed, like a part of me was gone now that she wasn’t in my belly any longer and just felt completely isolated. Granted it was December and I really couldn’t go anywhere. This was definitely not what I was expecting when I had my child because let's be real, you never hear about the bad things with pregnancy. I dealt with PPD until my daughter was two and I struggled to get the baby weight off because I was depressed and ate my feelings trying to hide how I was feeling and I hated how I looked so much that I don’t have hardly any photos with my daughter from birth until after 2 years because I was ashamed of how I looked.
For me my journey to finding myself again and getting my "sexy" back truly started when my ex-husband left and some would say oh I’m sorry that you had to go through this divorce and all of that type of stuff well, I am not sorry or sad one bit. Truth is I’m glad he decided to leave. It was truly a blessing in disguise. I started to focus on what would make not only me happy but my daughter happy as well. I quickly realized that if I was truly happy then she was happier because my demeanor changed. I found my love for music again and started to work on my relationship with myself. With those changes yes I did meet someone I connected really well with much faster than anticipated but god works in mysterious ways. For me, finding myself was the key to getting this weight to start to fall off. Yes I still have 15 more pounds to lose before I am back and my pre-baby weight but that’s much better than the 55 I gained while being pregnant. I slowly got my confidence and my faith back in myself, and there is nothing sexier than a woman who is loving, a good mother and confident in herself and her abilities to get what she wants out of life.
So, yes it is okay to be a mom (a great one in fact) and be "sexy". Be your version of sexy. It doesn't have to be what society thinks is sexy. Maybe leggings, sweatshirt and a top knot is sexy for you or maybe it’s getting all dressed up and going to dinner or out for the night whatever it may be that makes you feel "sexy" do it. Because your kids deserve to see their mama happy and I mean truly happy not just the fake smile we plaster on our face and pretend life is all good. For me it was doing a photo shoot where I am embracing the hard work I have put into getting my body back even though it’s not perfect but I have learned to love myself and my body and will continue to work on being the healthiest version of me. BUT GIRL, get out there and get your "sexy" back! Love yourself because if you can’t yourself who's going to love you better than you? You are worth it!
Photo Credit: Black Gem Photography