What is LOVE?
What is Love???
The definition is an intense feeling of deep affection. But what is love really? Is it when you still get butterflies after a long time being together, is it that pit in your stomach when you don't hear from them and you worry something bad happened? Or maybe love to you is gift giving or receiving. Whatever your definition of love, it is important!
Personally I grew up never really feeling loved (but that's not what I am here to talk about), and that explains why in my late teens and early twenties I was looking for love in all the wrong places. And that is no one's fault but my own, my desire to feel something I didn't feel while growing up. While I wasn't secure enough in myself to say it didn't matter if people love me, loving myself was enough! Fast forward to being in my early thirties and saying "fuck your opinion I'm feeling my best."
I have personally been through more than I care to in my life thus far but I am a warrior and will keep battling to provide the best life for myself and my daughter. From the mentally and physically abusive relationship that I spent way too long in, to seeing my way out of all that with my daughters father because I knew I was safe with him after being friends for years, to having my blood pressure drop to dangerously low levels while delivering my daughter. Then my daughters dad deciding he didn't want to be married any longer. So I had to boss up and be my strongest to not let her see the pain I was in, and show her what being a strong woman is and that as woman we do not NEED a man. Yes they are nice to have for a lot of things, but we do not need them unless we want to reproduce :) My Ex and I have come a long way in a year officially divorced and 99% of the time we co-parent well, because she's the priority.
But have you loved someone I mean truly loved someone?
I have thought I had loved before .... that was until I held my daughter for the first time, now that is was love really is. That feeling like you would crawl over broken glass, stand in the flame, take a bullet, take all the blows and all the pain. Knowing that anything that child goes through you got them, even when they are wrong. I know that I'll be there to stop the bleeding, I'll be there to start the healing, she will always know that mom will always have her back! Myah Lynn mommy loves you more than you will ever know. I didn't even know how much I needed you until I met you my beautiful girl!!
My Ace, my boo, my bae, my mans, where do I start with you... Thank you! Thank you for your continued patience and love with me! I know I can be dramatic, moody, and stubborn at times, but thank you for pushing me to find me, and giving me the time and space I needed at times to truly become my best self and while I learned to truly love myself. You came into my life when I was feeling broken and defeated and didn't know what I truly wanted. Your love, patience and guidance has been a god sent. I know I can thank your mom for making you the man you are today (big shout out to momma ace.) Thank you for loving my child as if she was your own, and always wanting to be a positive male role model in her life. Thank you for believing in me and telling me that this right here is something I am capable of and my voice should be heard. I have so much to give to the world. I will continue to be your cheerleader as you are mine! Together there is nothing we can't conquer. I love you!
Alright my lovers I leave you with my wisdom of spreading love not hate, there is too much hate in the world already. Let's love and see the positive in all that we encounter. (Everything happens for a reason)